Crossing the finishline back in February 2011

I’ve sat down to write this post more times than I can count. Each time I’ve written a couple of sentences and stopped. Stopped because I just couldn’t think of how to put my thoughts down on “paper” without sounding like some jerk. Wow, even reading that now I’m shocked at my opening. Then as time has gone on I’ve moved from postponement to denial. By taking so long to write this post nothing was getting written. I know, now I’m a jerk AND I’m lame.

So what happened?

I’ve been putting off writing my February race report. I put it off because I just didn’t want to celebrate it in any way. It didn’t seem like the right thing to do.

Why?

Well because a man was dying as I cross the finish line.

No you didn’t read that wrong. As I ran under the finish line banner I looked to the left and there on the ground was a man violently getting CPR. I didn’t know he was dying then, I learned that  he’d died later.

So how can I cheer about my accomplishments on here?

I’m still at a loss.

Even now, I don’t know what to say.

I keep writing sentences and deleting them.

So here’s the deal.

I’m still running. I’ve actually run a couple of races since the XX month race. I’m also kicking up my training for a Marathon in late June. I’m still struggling with sticking to my goals both eating and athletic.

What I haven’t been doing is participating in my weight loss and fitness community. Participating here or on the myriad of other digital mediums I use to motivate and focus.

I didn’t know Peter Haas. He was only 36. But I’m guessing that as he was a runner (and a fast one by all accounts) he’d give me a kick up the ass and tell me that I shouldn’t be using what happened to him as an excuse not to participate.

So here I am, participating. And please, don’t tell me that I’m not a jerk or lame. It is what it is and I needed to write it down. What I won’t be is a lame jerk any more. I

My new goal?

Participate.

And just so you can all hold me accountable. I have the Mermaid ½ Marathon on May 7^th, feel free to bug me for the race report.

Comments

[Sarah C.]

OK it is now May 22nd & Randal is on dry land, so what is your excuse?